Hooray for Ironwood!

Mana screwy, ballyhocky Ironwood
Where any or
Can be a panic, with just a good looking
And can be a
If they dance with or without a

The world is in turmoil. All your favorite TV shows are ending prematurely for the season. That blockbuster you were waiting on has been pushed back until the autumn. So of course it stands to reason that supposition abounds as to who might be in what, from the head-spinning possibility that "Boba Fett," i.e. Captain Rex is set to appear in the next season of The Mandalorian, to the internet-breaking news that Scarlett herself was being lined up for the live-action Magic: The Gathering movie …

Of course this post was a fake, satire. But beautifully done, riffing on an actual mid-April rumor reported in earnest that Angelina Jolie was being lined up to play Liliana Vess. The article failed to address the fact that Liliana, while old in terms of her character, appears much younger in person. But, we'll fix that in post.

There is no real shortage of planeswalkers currently, with at least one coming back from the literal dead. But who might be in the running if this all comes to fruition?

Colin Farrell surely gets the nod for Ikoria's own Liger King. Well capable of the stern, gruff persona as evidenced from the primary artwork, our Colin has comedy chops too as seen in Intermission, In Bruges, and Seven Psychopaths. We'll ignore his turn in the dreadful Total Recall reboot. Just look at that salt and pepper and tell me he isn't perfect! I dare ya!

Whomever might get the gig here would almost certainly meet with murmurs of disapproval from sundry corners. Asian in appearance, this planeswalker is from Tarkir, a land more Mongolian at its core than was probably intended, so it's no stretch to suggest she'd be played well by Ming-Na Wen, or by Michelle Yeoh. Both are great actors and would easily beat each and every other actor listed in this article in a straight-up brawl. Ming-Na might have the edge since her name actually means "enlightenment," but Michelle Yeoh has Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon under her belt … and that's a tough one to trump.

Let's just give this to Doug Jones and move on, shall we? While the end result is going to be no small amount of CGI, Jones is the go-to for tall, lithe, oft-terrifying individuals. From the Pale Man in Pan's Labyrinth, to The Master in The Strain, to a more quirky Baron Afanas in the wonderful What We Do in the Shadows TV series.

Criminally underutilized every time she made an appearance, the Merfolk probably saw more prominence from bearing her name rather than her actual planeswalker cards. So, who better to portray her than another criminally underutilized actor, like Aisha Tyler? The voice of Archer's Lana Kane, Ross Geller's ex Charlie, herself on that one episode of Supergirl … Tyler would add enough character to take this right into the danger zone!

Some thought went into this. Tibalt loves his fun, but he's also a sadistic bugger. With prosthetics at play, Lucifer's Tom Ellis was an option … Maybe even a nice canon link to tie together "our" world and that of the Blind Eternities. But whatever Magic media that ultimately hits the screen, silver or small, will surely be a touch bloodier than anything DC would consider okay. So, Noah Taylor gets to sign on the dotted line. The name might not trip off the tongue, but you've seen him in Game of Thrones as Locke, the fake Crow, and on Preacher. He's got this!

Who doesn't love Teferi? Big Teferi nearly got me to a Pro Tour and the smaller Teferi has done untold damage to decks across all formats. So then, who should play the Temporal Archmage? They need to have presence. They need to dominate the screen whether to the fore or passing by in the background, grabbing some Planeswalker Braü or perhaps some vintage vino that was only bottled that morning and left in some dilation field. Idris Elba is the clear choice. Stringer Bell, Luther, it's almost like he's been in planeswalker training all his life …

As for the Kaladesh planeswalker, Priyanka Chopra might be a good fit. She's done a number of action TV shows, some of them even good, and can take over a room when needed. Although Magic Wiki suggests she should be taller. Why not Jameela Jamil then? At 1.8 meters she's taller for sure, and her time as Tahani in The Good Place showed that she's no stranger to amazing cinema. And Saheeli likes swirly dresses!

There really are far too many planeswalkers to deal with, but when Kaya was first spoiled back in the first Conspiracy set, I was convinced that the only person that should be playing the part was Lenora Crichlow. I mean, she played a ghost in Being Human and we saw that she can play the big nasty when needed from her episode of Black Mirror. In fact, that was the only episode ever that Charlie Brooker wanted to film a sequel for …

I do think Melissa McBride, Carol from The Walking Dead, is the perfect Jaya … It's just that I can't go on for ever and ever with this.

Do you have any casting choices to add or to challenge? Leave a comment below!

Honorable Mention:

Not a planeswalker but … c'mon … Tessa Thompson? Hello?

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